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Unkle Munky pg 104
Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions. ---- This week Munky is in a headlock... Artist - Esser. Song - Headlock. *Click here to play... *Videos prone to removal. ---- No Smoking. Danny from Ludlow asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am flying to Australia in a few weeks time to meet my girlfriend's parents. The flight is extremely long and I am worried that I will not be able to cope without the occasional cigarette. What can I do? Unkle Munky says -''' Dear Danny, I am in no doubt that this predicament must have arisen before and that the cabin crew will have a procedure in place to deal with your concerns. Perhaps if you ask the captain nicely he will allow you to step outside for a quick cigarette? Danny replies - What the fuc..? ---- Bungle's Barely News. ---- Lost & Found. Adam from Glenfields asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Where is the best place to go in order to 'find myself'? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Adam, Phone me at Munky HQ and I will attempt to trace the call. You really should be more careful. Adam replies - Oh fer god's sake! *Pictured - Important questions are raised as a trio of actors get into difficulty whilst attempting to find themselves. ---- UK Munky Gold + 1 TV Trailer. Amy Winehouse bares her soul to Unkle Munky in this revealing exclusive. *The unique way in which UK Munky Gold is funded means that 'Misbehiving' will be repeated often. 'Reviews - ' UK Munky Gold +1 is available to a very limited number of households. We must do all that we can to support these unfortunate people. ''The Daily Samaritan.'' It soon became apparent that Munky was merely interviewing a ball of wool. ''Get Knitting Magazine'' Munky's claim that Amy's beehive had occasionally been home to 'Little Pete Doherty' struck me as ridiculous in the extreme. ''Property Ladder Monthly.'' She looks familiar - ''Amy Knitwear.'' ---- Fire? What Fire? Simon from Derby asks - Dear Unkle Munky, As a trained firefighter I recently had cause to attend an incident at a local cannabis factory. The calming effects of the burning plants, however, complicated my attempts to douse the flames and within ten minutes of arriving on the scene I was chillin' like a fridge. Can I make a claim? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Simon, The only claim open to you on this occasion is one of being happy in your work. I fail to see how this might lead to a successful outcome. ''Phooaaarrr....''' '''Unkle Munky replies -' Oh fer god's sake, Mary! He's only a fireman! Put those matches down and get on with some pretend typing! ---- Bungle's Barely News. Olympic Update. ---- The Wrong End of the Stick. Dale from Richmond asks - Dear Unkle Munky, My girlfriend's cat always glares at me when we're having sex. What can I do? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Dale, I have always taken great pride in my ability to offer counsel without judging those who are in need of such. I do, however, draw the line at offering my services to those who practice any form of bestiality. Dale replies - What the fuc..? ---- On This Day in History. It was on this day in 1995 that Oasis front man, Liam Gallagher (37) discovered a glitter ball in his eyebrow. "I remember it as if it were yesterday," said Liam recently in an interview for ‘Disco Diva Monthly.’ "I’d just finished rehearsing my tambourine balancing act when suddenly, out of the blue, I felt this sudden urge to dance like Travolta. As you can imagine, my new moves didn’t curry much favour with the rest of the band. Noel, my brother, urged me to seek medical advice. He was adamant that we could not tour our latest CD (Standing on the shoulders of Barry Manilow) until my disco dancing tic had been cured. I took his advice onboard and immediately admitted myself into the ‘Gloria Gaynor Disco Related Illnesses Unit.’ My doctor (doctor Afro) examined me thoroughly but could not find anything wrong. As a last resort I was given a CAT scan. It was only then that the full extent of my condition was revealed. There was indeed a mirror-ball lodged in my left eyebrow. Heaven knows how it had gotten there! Apparently it’s far more common than you might expect. I now have my eyebrows checked on a regular basis. Give or take the odd Bee Gee, I have now been clear for almost three months." *Pictured - Dr. Afro examines Liam's eyebrows for stray disco related items. ---- Bungle's Barely News. More from The Olympics... ---- Sock Nav. Glen from Widford asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my email regarding missing socks? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Glen, I did indeed receive said email. You can locate your missing socks by simply entering a description of them into a satellite navigation system. I hope this helps. Glen replies - Oh fer god's sake! ---- Next... Previous... Munky's Memos... Return to Munky Menu...